I made a phone call today.. it’s amazing how weird it was for me to even do more like how long it took me. A few weeks ago I emailed a organization to seek Group therapy and their response was for me to call a crisis hotline. Maybe in some ways calling a hotline would make that step a little more real and to being public with my past. On the drive home from work it popped up in my head for me to call so I did. The hotline person said it was great that I have a personal therapist and I told her part of my process is to attempt to be able to talk about it out loud to strangers and the. Person put me through to someone else to set up the therapies. The person I spoke to told me about appointments which I found strange, I thought they would just tell me a time and place when the meetings are held kind a like AA which is the way I pictured in my mind but I made an appointment for next Wednesday and I confirmed that it’s for group but, the woman said it’s for me to answer a bunch of questions for about an hour for them to see what kind of group I need and then they would tell me when the classes are that will be held Monday through Thursday in the morning or late evenings. Of course I had to ask since this seems like a longer process than I had pictured in my mind, if this was free? Thankfully it is. I would’ve probably paid anyways for a meeting or two depending on the cost if there was one. I’m looking forward to it but I also don’t know how I feel about it since I don’t know how long this whole thing is going to be.
How am I even going to react?
Am I going to break down in tears I just being there? Or, am I going to cry hearing other people stories, or even saying out loud to strangers that I’m a survivor.
When I first met my therapist I was going to her for marriage counseling. In the sessions I had with her I decided to file for divorce and I felt strong and I never forgot that on my last session before I told her I wanted to discontinue therapy she called me a survivor, words I’ve never heard before.
I’ve never considered myself a survivor.
I considered myself just a girl that got out of a situation that she didn’t want to be in anymore to live a better life.words that shook me a long time. Today was the first time I said it out loud to someone other my therapist..
“I’m a domestic violence survivor
..a few second after I almost cried.
if those of you read this, and you are still in that situation your a survivor every day you wake up or find that lie to avoid a fight or please your partner for one more minute to keep yourself safe. …
one… day… at a time