Castle of Glass

Today, while I was at work I saw online news that hit me hard. I felt my heart sink in disbelief. Chester Bennington has committed suicide….

Shortly after I discovered Evanescence at 13 I came across Linkin Park. The uniqueness and power in his voice and emotions in his words helped me through my parents divorce. When my “first” love ended up being mean to me I used to listen to the LP albums on repeat to help feel strong. It was a mix of Evanescence’s only album at the time – Fallen- and listening to Hybrid Theory & Meteora. When I used to write poems I would have My December repeating as I cried. On my way to Disney World with band in 2004 I had only Hybrid Theory & Meteora cd’s with me and it was all I listened to on the way there and back.

I got to see them live in 2014 and sure throughout the years I didn’t like the entire new albums but there were songs here n there that I liked. They were coming back to my hometown in August and I wanted to go.  Its just so bizarre to me just a few months ago I bought Hybrid Theory in Best Buy to listen to it again (x boyfriend of 6 years broke their cd to hurt me) in my car speakers and I listened to their new album when it released in May. It just hits me hard when there’s been 3 bands who made my life feel less lonely in the critical times of my life when I didn’t have any friends to hang around or family because my ex isolated me to the point that sometimes death did seem like the only way I would feel free and less guilty for letting my life turn out that way. I felt that I neglected everyone so much that by the time I would finally let him go would anyone care for me anymore?            Evanescence, Linkin Park, Avenged Sevenfold.

Chester was happy in interviews and expressed the power of music on people and how honored he felt in what he does.. His music helped you feel to overcome those who want to hurt you and make u feel less than who you are. “trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me. I swear for the last time I wont trust myself with you.” – From the Inside

Don’t stay
Forget our memories
Forget our possibilities
What you were changing me into
(Just give me myself back and)
Don’t stay
Forget our memories
Forget our possibilities
Take all your faithlessness with you
(Just give me myself back and)
Don’t stay
Sometimes I feel like I trusted you too well

Sometimes I just feel like screaming at myself

Sometimes I’m in disbelief I didn’t know….

Those lyrics echoed in my head a lot along with so many others. (“Somewhere I belong” is another) coming out of a man’s mouth were the emotions I felt… Wanting to heal myself and gather the strength to pick up my own pieces and get away and start my life over on my terms.

One day I did….. Rest in Peace Chester…

 

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