Memories into nightmares

Another nightmare last night.. Makes 2 this week.

It always consists of some sort of being back with HIM and the caged feeling. Last night it was that he was having people hunt for me all because I broke up with him. Just when I think I’m doing good aside from regular life drama and I get haunted in my dreams of different versions of my old life. I hate seeing his face.

I’ve been looking into a form of therapy called Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). The EMDR Institute explains it as “a psychotherapy treatment that was originally designed to alleviate the distress associated with traumatic memories (Shapiro, 1989a, 1989b). “

Its explained further below:

“EMDR therapy is an eight-phase treatment.  Eye movements (or other bilateral stimulation) are used during one part of the session.  After the clinician has determined which memory to target first, he asks the client to hold different aspects of that event or thought in mind and to use his eyes to track the therapist’s hand as it moves back and forth across the client’s field of vision.  As this happens, for reasons believed by a Harvard researcher to be connected with the biological mechanisms involved in Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep, internal associations arise and the clients begin to process the memory and disturbing feelings. In successful EMDR therapy, the meaning of painful events is transformed on an emotional level.  ”

“If the system is blocked or imbalanced by the impact of a disturbing event, the emotional wound festers and can cause intense suffering.  Once the block is removed, healing resumes.  Using the detailed protocols and procedures learned in EMDR therapy training sessions, clinicians help clients activate their natural healing processes.”

Which is what I need help on, as I’ve mentioned in previous posts. My way of coping these past 7 years has been to act like it doesn’t exist, block it out from my memories. Life has been showing me in these past 2 years its not as easy anymore. These nightmares need to stop, I need to feel control. Have you ever had a nocturnal panic attack? I had my first one in February this year and it scared me. I was out of town with my boyfriend and I fell asleep early while he watched tv. I jumped up in a sweat, panting, short of breath, heart racing. I didn’t know what was going on what was wrong with me or why it happened and he didn’t know what to do he got me water and I changed my clothes into something more comfortable. It’s happened about 2 more times after that and then other panic attacks during the day at my job, since I’ve been without work I haven’t experienced any at home. I wonder if high stress throws me into a panic attack? Many times in my job I felt caged, undervalued perhaps similar to my that relationship which could explain why I couldn’t keep quiet about the mistreatment.

Anyway, I found a psychotherapist to do EMDR with me and I have to schedule my first session.. I will let you know how it goes..

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