Well, these past few months have been a hell of a ride. First my anxiety levels are all over the place. When Irma was about to hit I had panic attacks over and over which made me have to research ways to put myself back together.Hurricane Maria destroyed the island where a large number of my family lives so I would cry back and forth, never knowing how much I do love my home until I saw it like this. A few talks with my boyfriend and he makes sense to say that I can’t let the fear of natural disaster or nuclear war throw myself into constant panic attacks when I can’t do anything about it, every where in the world has issues.
I’ve been so stressed with work that school took a back seat. I switched majors and now i’m on a more computer based track than medicine which may be better for me, its something I’ve always wanted to learn but never had the right tools to do it and I kept thinking “No, medicine is the future, medicine is my passion.”
Work wasn’t what they presented it to be when I first started. Management would hide my ideas from the owners and take credit for it while treating everyone like they are in prison. Monitoring every move, computers, cameras, microphones, you couldn’t even scan a piece of paper without permission. I expressed my concerns to HR and nothing was ever done. What started out as me simply trying to prove how much of an asset I can be to my manager turned into her looking at me as a threat to her position. A position for supervisor became available and what was supposed to be internally filled, the manager decided to bring in an outsider instead which made me realize that within this company I’m never going to grow. In some ways I felt like a caged animal, similar to how I felt in my old relationship. Everything had to be done with permission to the point that I couldn’t send an email without it being proof read, as if you’re not trusted. The more I try to just roll it and do the changes, the more things changed and one day its ok for me to do something one way and tomorrow I’m doing it suddenly wrong. I didn’t go to college to be told I’m not allowed to think for myself. Nothing management does has anything to do with the actual job which is what has been so bizarre to me. They care more if I follow the break schedule and if I go to the bathroom alone. Needless to say, after 6 months I couldn’t stay.
Anyway, I’m in a transition of life right now and it feels good. I’m trying to work back on getting better with school while teaching myself how to code.